Joy Isn’t on the Spreadsheet

Last week, I tried to plan joy.

It was my birthday, and I decided to treat myself to my favorite Canadian restaurant (yes, I’m Canadian, and yes, I live just an hour from the border). I planned the route, imagined the perfect meal, even wanted a candle in my chicken. No metaphor here, it’s a chicken restaurant.

But life, being life, had other ideas. My husband had a work emergency and couldn’t come. I couldn’t find a single candle in the house. When I finally sat down at my table and sheepishly asked the waitress if she had one, she looked less than impressed.

A few minutes later, she came out with my meal, two tiny Canadian flags stuck into the chicken, a balloon bobbing beside it, and her singing “Happy Birthday” like we were in some kind of poultry-themed photo shoot.

It was ridiculous.
And it was joyful.

I couldn’t have planned it if I tried.

Joy Is What Sneaks In When We Stop Controlling Everything

That little scene has stayed with me because it reminded me of something I forget all the time: the more I try to script joy, the more it slips away.

I love plans. I love lists. I’ve built whole systems to make chaos manageable. But I’m realizing that control can crowd out the small, spontaneous moments that make life, and leadership, feel alive.

Joy doesn’t usually RSVP. It shows up uninvited, sometimes carrying two toothpick flags.

Why This Matters for Leaders

Right now, the world feels heavy. Politics. Funding cuts. Shrinking donor bases. All of it sits on the shoulders of people who care deeply and work hard. It’s easy to think the only way through is to push harder.

But when we operate only in “grind” mode, we lose access to something vital. Joy isn’t frivolous, it’s fuel. It’s what lets us stay curious when everyone else is exhausted. It’s what keeps the creative spark alive when the data looks grim.

And teams can feel it. When a leader is clenched, the whole room tightens. When a leader laughs easily or finds a small moment of delight in the middle of a long week, it gives everyone permission to exhale.

Joy as a Leadership Practice

You can’t demand joy from a team any more than you can schedule it for 2:30 on a Tuesday. But you can create conditions where it can find you.

Try this tiny experiment:

In your next team meeting, ask one simple question —
“What brought you joy this week?”

Not “what went well” or “what did you accomplish.”
Joy.

Watch what happens when people remember something that made them smile. The energy changes. The air gets lighter. People connect on a different level.

That’s not soft stuff. That’s culture-shaping stuff.

Letting Joy In

We can’t fix the world overnight. But we can make a little room, for laughter over chicken with tiny flags, for curiosity that isn’t tied to an outcome, for moments that remind us why the work matters in the first place.

So this week, I’m leaving a little more white space in the plan.
Less gripping. More noticing.

Because joy doesn’t need to be managed.
It just needs an opening.

💡 Tiny Leadership Experiment:
Find one small pocket of joy this week—and protect it like it’s strategic.